Sidebar: I am not totally, but very near, sports challenged. I know little about basketball and even less about most other sports. My saying it was the biggest game of the season is merely the borrowed words of another.
There were no cuties in the house, and since the game had already started, they probably weren’t coming. We picked a table, ordered, and commenced our Kobe drooling session. When the waiter brought out drinks, he gave me a slight nod and a wink. It occurred to him that I didn’t catch the hint because he did it again, indicating the table behind me. I smiled in acknowledgement but didn’t turn.
I waited for my girl to give me a yay or nay since she was facing the table but there was nothing. Then, I remembered the guy she’d been chasing for months and thought better of her opinion. I shifted in my seat. Moments passed before I casually glanced back. A Dobbs hat and shades were the first things I noticed. It was 100 degrees outside and this baby was wearing a Dobbs. We were inside a dimly lit sports bar and he was wearing sunglasses.
N
Oh, but then he smiled a handsome smile. I’m clearly a sucker for nice smiles. I wondered what the rest of his face looked like when it wasn’t covered with glasses. I smiled in return and turned back to the game. I’d noted that he had the style of an older man, at least 40-45. Hat, short sleeve linen shirt, starched jeans, and nice shoes. He was clearly old enough to be established.
The game ends, my friend and I rise to leave. Before I could pass, the guy said something to get my attention. We chat briefly, and exchanged numbers. I handed him my card, he handed me a napkin with numbers on it
I
I dropped the napkin in the trash as my friend and I exited.
The next day I get a call from BWW man. I will credit him with pleasant conversation. That is, for about 20 minutes at which point he offered me a warning. Of course, I bit the bait and asked of what I was being warned. “I have a very high nature.” As if I was suppose to know what that meant. Again, I bite. He tells me he’s going to send me a picture and to call him back when I receive it.
G
I open the picture to see a blur of blue. I finally realize I was staring at a picture of his erect penis in blue briefs.
G
During our FIRST conversation, this idiot sent me a picture of his penis. Seriously?Sidebar: A friend once told me that I was the white girl in horror films. I know there’s a monster but I’m not satisfied until I see the monster for myself and find out what find of monster it is. I say I’m just nosy by nature.
I call him back. What? I had questions.
1) How old are you?
50
2) Why do you feel it’s appropriate to send a picture of your penis to anyone, especially someone you met less than 24 hours ago?
He really liked me and if things should get serious and go to the next level, he wanted me to be prepared. Because he’s so well endowed, abnormally so, he’d been told that he shouldn’t just wipe that thing out without warning.
3) In the short time that you’ve been in the small town of Purgatory, how many warnings have you issued?
He laughed and assured me that I was the only one in Purgatory to receive a warning.
E
I was amused by the obvious lie. I thanked him for the gracious forewarning. Our conversation concluded with a dinner invitation. I accepted and was pleased that he set a time and told me he would know where we were going by the time he picked me up. I was curious to see which of the million restaurants in our small town he would pick.
We went to Buffalo Wild Wings.
R
This is not a blog about dating but I most comment on the subject. I refuse to believe that dating has been reduced to penis picture mail and chicken wings.
